Far, far, away in a land called Fantasyland, there exists a such a population of students who exhibit the so-called “ideal” student. What/How so, you care to ask with puzzlement? Why, they are the ones you see in college catalogues, of course. The ones laughing (as if studying for an exam is a laughing matter. Perhaps Hell week doesn’t seem to exist on that certain campus) having no reluctance to showcase their beyond-crystal-like and infinitely shiny pearly whites, all while they comfortably study for their exams on the quad and enjoy a picnic with their study group consisting of trendily dressed individuals looking beyond all levels of attractive, people that in all honesty, look like they belong on the red carpet, or the runways of New York Fashion Week, and definitely not a college campus. Sigh. If only this didn’t just exist in our parallel and unreal (emphasis on the part where I say unreal) universe.
Having just taken an abundance of exam (and being able to relate to the past few days you’ve experienced that those only familiar with STLCOP will know as “Hell Week”), I decided to take the time to present to you, the phenomena I like to call “The Study Cycle” which consists of a few phases that as they progress, show the degradation of a normal student’s mind and body function while the exam(s) for [insert class] are only coming nearer by the minute.
THE STUDY CYCLE:
1. Eternal Bliss Is Gone
Did someone say “deadline?” or did they say “exam” instead? Or were you too busy scrolling on Pinterest to notice that the words were first uttered by your professor not yesterday, not last week, but almost a month ago. Congratulations, you’re officially and if I must add, royally toast for what is in store. I mean this in the sweetest way possible, but may the world of procrastination (if it ever does, in which it rarely is) be ever in your favor.
2. Opened the Books Only To Close Them
So you finally had a mini-mental-intervention with yourself and convinced yourself that you will, by no means, go back to your procrastination-esque ways and will do anything in your power to ensure that you are fully prepared and on schedule to finish your paper and study for your exam(s) on time. And everything goes fine, and is as per your schedule, until you walk to the library, find a place to study, open up your notes, take out your laptop, and actually study. That is, until so-and-so comes by to talk to you about who-knows-what for who-knows-how-long. And by the time you’re done talking, AKA when so-and-so decides he/she wants to bug someone else/leave the library/actually wants to study, your attention span is completely lost. And just when you’ve gained your motivation back, a text from another so-and-so comes with a link to a funny video, which leads you to YouTube, and from there, all hope is indefinitely lost. And before you know it, the library is already about to close and you have no choice but to try to battle your consciousness and convince yourself that you indeed, did try your hardest to study today.
3. Feeling The Consequences
As a series of unfortunate events have unfolded from the moment you realized what you had on your plate, your situation has gotten only worse. It appears that the events at the library have not ceased, but have continued all the way until the night before your exam/paper is due. In coming to accept what has happened and hoping to make the best out of your rather suckish situation, you’ve decided to do a couple of things
a) purchase not one, but rather two or three Starbucks espresso shots in an assortment of flavors. You might as well be spontaneous tonight considering how long it’s going to be.
b) investing in a full can of Monster in case (a) doesn’t work and only makes you even sleepier because caffeine doesn’t exactly work on everyone
c) isolating yourself like a bear in the face of winter. Socializing will only be the death of you, this evening. Study groups are clearly not your thing especially when you have the attention span of a millisecond.
d) keep a box of Kleenex (or two) next to you in case you realize that you have no way of understanding what is going on in class, let alone, what’s going to be covered on the exam and will have no choice but to possibly accept defeat and throw your GPA into its grave. But whatever sparkle of optimism left within your soul somehow convinces you that there is still a chance. That there is surely a way.
Until the day of the exam, when your eyes are practically bloodshot from the lack of sleep, when your eyes are puffy from your emotional episode when your tears could not be held back as you looked at your notes in despair, still unable to figure out how all of this information will be relevant in the pharmacy one day.
But then you take the exam, and just taking it is an accomplishment. Until you get your score back…
Until my next blog post,